CinderYami
by RiYuYami
Summary: A twisted yaoi version of the classic children’s stories, the first with Yami being known as Cinder-Yami and he attends the ball of Prince Seto with the help of his Fairy God brother. OOC character bashing Prideshipping Other stories will be the same
1. Chap 1: CinderYami

Because I was mean and killed Yami in a fanfic, I upset Toxic Hathor. She had asked for me to write something happy, and well… I chose to write something happy and stupid.

If I ever get around to it, I might continue with sillier fairy tale stories like this.

Welcome to Cinder-Yami!

I own nothing but the screwed up version of the original plot created by the Brothers Grimm and the Disney version.

Summery: A twisted yaoi version of the classic children's story, Yami is known as Cinder-Yami and he attends the ball of Prince Seto with the help of his Fairy God brother.

Warning: this story has major character bashing because, as I stated, it's a stupid story, it has Yami being a jerk at times, and Yugi in a dress. Plus cussing and yaoi. This is a Prideshipping story!

On with the fic!

* * *

**Cinder-Yami**

**One-shot**

* * *

Once upon a midnight dreary, as I pondered weak and weary... sorry, that's the Raven.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away, there lived a young couple who had a lovely young son named Yami. When Yami was only five, his mother became sick and died. A year later his father married a man, whom he thought was a woman. Pegasus, the man Yami's father married, had two daughters, Anzu and Shizuka.

Anzu was bossy and very mean and rude while Shizuka was whinny and nosy. Poor Yami had to deal with their attitude all the time since he shared a room between theirs in the house that his father owned.

Then one day, his father died. Pegasus was now in control of the house, and of Yami.

The man didn't like how pretty Yami was, he was much more pretty then his own daughters, so he made Yami live in the attic and become the maid of the house.

* * *

**BONG! **

"Hmm…"

**BONG!**

"Hmm!"

**BONG! **

"Garr…"

**BONG! **

"FUCKING CLOCK!"

A young sixteen-year old sat up in his crummy bed, his tri-color hair all over the place as he blinked a few times, trying to get his crimson-eyes adjusted to the light of the morning that broke through his window and warmed his tan skin.

Yami walked over to the window and opened it. "SHUT UP!" It was then when the giant clock in the clock tower stopped. He sighed and since he was awake and pissed off already, he might as well get dressed.

He walked over and cleaned his face and body before getting dressed in black pants and a white shirt, his working clothes, and tied up his hair, not liking it sticking up when he worked. Yami looked at himself in the mirror. "One day, you will be better then those bitches and then you can have the royal guards kill them. I'd laugh the whole time!"

Yami snickered as he walked toward the kitchen, opening the curtains on the windows in the halls as he did. He went into the kitchen and patted the dog that lived in the house on the head. "Morning Jou, hope you got some drool ready. I'm making oatmeal for their breakfast." Yami chuckled darkly, seeing the dog wag his tail.

While he worked, Yami heard three bells ringing and the name 'Cinder-Yami' being yelled. He only got that name because he once slept in the fire place as a kid. He was called that ever since. "I'm making breakfast!" Yami called at his sisters and mother.

Shaking his head, the boy had Jou drool into three bowls and Yami mixed it with the oatmeal. He then grabbed three trays and started up the stairs. He entered Shizuka's room first.

"Oatmeal again?! We had that yesterday!" The brunette whined and Yami rolled his eyes. "Take it back and make me something else Cinder-Yami!"

"First of all, you had it two weeks ago, yesterday you had toast. And second of all, I'm not making something else; I have yet to go to the market." He turned and left.

Next was Anzu. "Where have you been? That better not be cold! Did you do my laundry yet? When you're done, clean my room!" Yami sighed and groaned as he just left the tray in her room while she ranted and left.

Last was Pegasus' room. He was still in bed and looked at him. "What did you make this morning?" Yami placed the tray down.

"Oatmeal," he replied, "is there anything I have to do today-OOF!" Yami got knocked over by a flying bag of dirty clothing.

"Yes, do the laundry, sweep the chimney, clean the gutters, wash the dishes, scrub the toilets, paint my toes, blah-blah-blah…" Yami didn't really hear the rest, it was just the same shit he did every damn day.

* * *

"Scrub-a-dub-dub, I love to rub!"

Yami sang to himself as he scrubbed the marble staircase. He normally hated his job, but once in awhile he would make things up and turn it into a game or song for shits and giggles.

But he mostly did it to tune out the horrible noises that came from his step-sisters' music practice.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Yami blinked at this, he wiped his hands on his clothes and walked over to the door. He opened the door and looked at a brunet with a pair of goggles on his head. Before the man could speak, Yami spoke in a annoyed, monotone voice.

"Listen pal, we don't buy shit or give money, nor do we give a flying fuck about some religious thing you are trying to shove down our throats."

"Actually little man, I come from the court of Prince Seto Kaiba with a letter." He held up an envelop and Yami snatched it.

"GIMME!"

The man blinked and Yami looked at him. "I have no money." And he closed the door. In sheer joy, Yami ripped open the envelope and looked over the letter before squealing in delight.

"MAMA-PEGASUS!!!!" Yami cried out as he ran up the stairs and stumbled into the music room.

"Cinder-Yami! What are you doing-huh?" Yami gave the letter to Pegasus who read it out loud.

"Dear all eligible bachelors and bachelorettes, you are invited to attend the birthday of Prince Seto. All must attend, for he his looking for his wife or man-wife. Please look nice, don't be slutty. ALL MUST ATTEND."

Anzu and Shizuka blinked, wondering what this meant until it finally hit them.

Prince Seto was looking for someone to marry.

Yami watched as the three others were running around like headless chickens over the great news before he spoke up. "Umm… mama-Pegasus?"

The white-haired man turned to him. "Yes, what do you want Cinder-Yami?"

"Can I come? The letter said every female and MALE that is SINGLE."

Pegasus looked at him, but Anzu and Shizuka glared. "Mom! You can't let _**that **_thing come with us!" Anzu bitched while Shizuka pouted, stating that Yami would only get in the way.

The whole time Yami was thinking of ways to kill them in their sleep.

Pegasus looked at Yami. "Alright, you can come, but only if you get an outfit ready and if you finish your chores."

"Piece of puzzle." Yami replied and walked out of the room, though he didn't know of the evil plan that the others had.

* * *

It only took Yami an hour to do his chores and he spent another hour picking out what to wear. He chose to wear a pair of leather pants, a leather tank top, and accessories. To those of you who need to know, it's the Battle City outfit. Yami looked at himself in his mirror and smirked.

"Lookin' good and sexy! The Prince will love ya in this outfit honey, plus the pants show off that nice ass of yours!" He spoke to his reflection.

He turned and walked downstairs to the entrance room and saw the girls, and Pegasus, down by the door. They were all wearing dresses and too much make up and perfume while Yami only wore kohl.

"Mom! Look at him, he's wearing leather!" Anzu pointed out and ripped Yami's tank top.

"Yeah, he looks like a slut! And the letter said no sluts!" Shizuka added and tore at Yami's pants, the girls ruined the rest of his outfit and Pegasus said that they weren't taking him looking like that.

They just left him there and Yami sat there, frowning.

"Shit…"

He stood up and walked out to the garden. A string of cuss words to wrong for even Fanfiction were going off in his head as he walked over to a bench and sat down. He was too distracted to notice that some magical light formed until he heard a loud thump noise and heard a loud yelp.

He looked up to see a smaller, paler, purple-eyed version of himself… in a silver mini skirt and purple tank top… wearing a crown, holding a sparkly princess wand, and having fairy wings sitting on the ground and rubbing his butt.

"Okay…? Who the hell are you?" Yami asked the smaller who stood up and dusted himself off.

"Huh?" He turned and smiled at Yami. "Why, I'm Yugi! You're Fairy God Brother!"

"If you're a boy, then why are you wearing a dress?"

"It's part of the job. Now, I heard that you were having some issues right?" Yugi looked at Yami's ripped clothing. "Baby, I don't do the whole rape-fix-thing."

Yami only looked at him. "My step-sisters did this!" He then told what happened to Yugi and the boy nodded.

"Hmm, well, I'll do this for free because I like you and that Prince Seto is H-O-T hot! But not as hot as my puppy Jou!" Yugi pointed to the dog that had walked over to them, Yami raised an eyebrow. "Jou's cursed to be a dog for a while." Yami nodded.

"So… can you help me?"

Yugi nodded like a bobble-head doll. "Of course baby! Let's me work my magic on ya!" Yami waved his wand and bonked Yami on the head. In a flash, Yami was dressed as a knight in shining leather. He was dressed as Prince Henry Tudor from YGO: The Duelists of the Rose game.

"DAMN! I look… amazing!" Yami smiled to himself as he looked himself over, not even caring that his hair was sticking up right now. Yugi nodded with a large grin on his cute face.

"I take pride in my work, now for your transportation." Yugi transformed a pumpkin into a carriage and Jou turned into a blond driver who gave Yugi a quick kiss. "Thanks Hun." Jou said.

Yugi then turned some rats into horses and hitched them to the carriage. Yami was still looking over his outfit, but he noticed that he was wearing silver boots, they were really nice.

"Now Yami, this magic doesn't last long, I haven't finished magic school yet so it will only last until midnight. And here's a mask, so your family doesn't recognize you. Have fun, and make sure to get a grope from the Prince!" Yugi smiled and Yami got into the carriage.

And they were off to the ball!

* * *

"Boring…"

Seto sighed for what seemed like the billionth time that night. He had talked to WAY too many people then he would have like, one was enough as it was already. He didn't understand why his father was doing this, shouldn't he find his own love, not pick someone at random just because of how they look?

Frankly that wasn't possible in his father's watchful eyes.

The long, long, long line of people was coming to an end and Kaiba saw two girls trying to get his attention, he only waved and told them that he wasn't interested in them. The brown-eyed one started crying and the blue-eyed one dragged the other away.

Inside of Seto's mind, he was screaming and shouting at how stupid and boring this was. But then he noticed someone coming into the room from the large double doors.

The person was short, but it fit him. He wore a leather outfit that didn't make him look like he had just been working 53rd and 3rd. It was covered in belts and he wore a cape with it. His boots were silver and his wrists were covered in chains and wristbands. His hair was tri-colored and stuck up to high heaven.

On his face and covering his gorgeous crimson-eyes was a black and red mask that you see at Carnival or Mardi gras. The whole outfit seemed to be a fit in matching the Blue-Eyes outfit that Seto wore himself AKA his DOTR outfit.

'Holy shit! He's walking sex!'

Seto stood up and somewhat jogged over to the boy who was busy looking around and staring in awe at the large ball room, he didn't even notice Seto until the man walked up to him.

"Excuse me," Seto started and the boy jolted, turning to look at him.

"Jesus Christ Bananas! You're Prince Kaiba!" The boy exclaimed, a dark blush painted his face.

"Yes I am, you know, I never expected to find someone as lovely looking as you here, why don't you and I share a dance together."

"Alright, but keeps your hands where I can see them."

"Deal."

And so, the two men danced into the night, talking about this and that as they went around, though the boy never mentioned his name. There was a few times where he would panic and pull Seto away from the crowd when they danced, as if they were being noticed by someone.

After a bit, Seto took the boy to the balcony where they looked out at the night sky. "You know, seeing you made my birthday a whole lot better."

Red-eyes blinked. "Really? How so?"

"Because I got to see the most beautiful person I've ever met." He leaned down while the other leaned up, almost, almost…

**BONG! **

"ARG! FUCKING CLOCK!" Seto and the boy yelled in union but the other gasped and started running.

* * *

"Wait!" Seto followed after Yami who, as he turned to look at the brunet, tripped down the last two steps. Yami got up, leaving a boot behind and kept running, he had to leave, it was midnight.

"JOU! JOU! We've got to go!" Yami yelled but blinked, seeing Jou and Yugi in a hot make-out session. "Umm… can you stop sucking each others faces off and **GET ME THE HELL HOME?!**"

Jou and Yugi apologized and Yami got in to the carriage and they drove off. Just as they reached the grounds of Yami's home, the clothing he wore changed to the ripped up ones, the carriage became a pumpkin, and Jou and the rats returned to normal. Yugi vanished, saying he had to leave.

Yami sat on the ground in the garden, pouting. "Dang, I didn't even get to kiss him."

But he smiled anyway, he got to dance with the coolest guy in the whole kingdom, plus he noticed that the prince liked his ass from how many times he grabbed it. But as Yami sat there, he noticed that he had a silver boot on his foot.

* * *

The next day Yami seemed to be walking on air while his head was stuck in cloud nine. He didn't even bother to tie up his hair, much to his family's dislike. He was in the kitchen making breakfast for the people but he heard something outside. The neighbors were talking to each other about the prince coming through the town.

He was looking for someone, someone he met at the ball.

And when he found that person, he would ask for their hand in marriage.

Yami squealed in absolute delight and bounced around the kitchen. "Prince Seto is coming! YAY!" He stopped and gasped. "Damn! I MUST look presentable in the eyes of the prince! Gotta change into leather!" Yami ran off up stairs, flailing as he did so.

As Yami ran past his step-family in a frantic and happy way, they wondered what was up with him until there was a knock at the door. Pegasus opened the door and looked into the eyes of one Prince Seto with his assistant Isono standing nearby with a silver boot on a pillow.

"Oh, sir Prince! What do I have of the pleasure of you being here?" Pegasus spoke, giving the other a wink, though Seto cringed.

"Look, I'm looking for someone, the one person who can fit this boot." He gestured to it. "Everyone has stuck their foot into and so far no one fits. I was wondering if you had anyone in this household that could wear this boot on their left foot."

Pegasus nodded. "Anzu come here, you will be the first to try this out." Pegasus took the boot from Isono and told the two men to wait in the living room while he got the boot on his daughter's foot.

But it seemed that Anzu couldn't get her feet to fit so Pegasus took out a blade. "Cut off your big toe."

"My what?! Why?!" Anzu yelled.

"Because when you are queen, you will have no need to walk. Now do it." And so Anzu cut off her toe and slid the boot on. It fit and she walked out, in pain, towards Seto and they left.

But as they passed by the garden, he heard a small whimper and noticed that a blond dog was walking near him. "What do you want mutt?" That's when he noticed that the boot Anzu wore had blood on it; he could almost hear a voice telling him that she cheated and cut her foot to get it in.

And so, they returned to the house and Seto asked if there was another child. It was Shizuka's turn but she couldn't fit her heel in, so Pegasus told her the same thing and she cut her heel, slipping it into the boot.

Seto and Shizuka then walked past the garden where Jou followed them, barking. "Will you shut up?" Seto barked back, but heard the voice saying the girl cheated as well. He saw that the boot had more blood on it.

Seto stormed back over to the house and asked if there was another child, Pegasus only shook his head. "Listen you, I have been going from house to house all damn morning and this is the last one in the village! Stop cheating and tell me, is there anyone else!?"

"Umm… me?"

The prince and the others looked up at the top of the stairs to see a boy standing up there. Yami blinked and look at them all, smiling at Seto though. He held something behind his back as he walked down the steps.

"Cinder-Yami! What are you doing here?!" Pegasus yelled at him. "Shouldn't you be making breakfast?!"

"Oh blow it out your ass you drag queen! And stop calling me Cinder-Yami, its Yami bitch!" Yami glared at him and turned to Kaiba.

"My prince, I also live in this house, though it should belong to me since it was my father's. I attended the ball last night and you and I danced together. Plus I was wearing some hot leather pants." He smirked.

Seto nodded. "Alright, you look a lot like him, but can you wear the boot?" He held up the blood covered boot and Yami raised an eyebrow.

"Listen, I'm not wearing a boot soaked in blood. I'll wear the other." He held up the right boot. Everyone gasped and Anzu and Shizuka yelled at him, demanding to know how he got to the ball.

"I had some help." Yami replied and slipped on the boot, a perfect fit.

* * *

And so Seto stayed true to his word and he and Yami got married. Yami's sisters' punishment for making him a slave for most of his life to his sisters was that he had Yugi make some birds poke out their eyes.

And Yami and Seto had mad monkey sex and lived happily ever after.

The End.

* * *

So…. Did you guys like it?! Tell me if you did! I'm sorry if you guys like Shizuka or Anzu, I don't like them very much and I hate when people pair them up with Kaiba or Yami. The blood and eyeball thing was from the original version of Cinderella by the Grimm Brothers. Their stories were always violent like that.

I hope you liked this Hathor.

Please review.


	2. Chap 2: Yami and the Seven Dorks

I felt like doing another fairy-tale story with Yami in it. XD

I hope you enjoy Yami and the Seven Dorks; it's pretty much a rip off of both the Disney version and the Grimm Brother's version. As you can see, instead of actually writing out a bunch of one-shots, I decided to stick all my fairy-tale stories together in one story, makes it more fun that way.

Summery: Yami was suppose to die at the hands of Queen Anzu, but he was sent to live in the forest with seven dorks. Can he survive and where is his handsome prince?

I own nothing but the stupid plot-bunny!

Warnings: Cussing, attempted murder, vanity, that kinda stuff. This is a Prideshipping story and there is much character bashing, so if you don't like that then please don't complain.

Since I really prefer the story that the Grimm brothers wrote, I'm using more elements from that story then the one that Mr. Disney put out, though that one is okay since it was his first colored film.

Oh, and Yami is just as random as he was in Cinder-Yami as he is in this. *laughs*

On with the fic!

* * *

**Yami and the Seven Dorks**

**One-shot**

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a king who had a beautiful queen that was gonna bore him a beautiful daughter with raven black hair and snow white skin. She didn't have a daughter, she had a son. He was born with tan skin, crimson-eyes and tri-color hair, but he was loved by the kingdom anyway.

Sadly, the queen died and the king ended up marrying a bitch named Anzu. Then the king died and the prince was stripped of his rank, but kept his gorgeous, hot looks as he grew.

One day, Anzu looked at her mirror and smiled, saying the words she always said. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" She smiled at the mirror snorted.

"Not you sweet cheeks, the most fairest in the kingdom is Yami."

"YAMI?!" Anzu glared deeply and turned to the mirror to find Yami, in his black leather outfit. He was going around the courtyard, dancing around and breaking statues and vases with a baseball bat, singing a loud and random song.

"Anzu's castles falling down! Falling down, falling down! Anzu's castles falling down, killing us all!"

She raised and eye brow and turned to the mirror, giving it a questioning look. "How the hell can he be the most fairest in the land, he's a moron!"

"Uh, have you seen the moron?! He's hotter then a thousand suns! My God, have you seen that ass in those tight leather pants!?"

Anzu growled, she needed to kill that boy so that she could reclaim her title. She turned to her servants Haga and Ryuzaki. "You two! I want you to take Yami out of the forest and kill him! Then bring me his heart as proof and place it in this box!" She held up a gold box and the two blinked.

"What do you want done with the rest of the body?" Haga asked.

"Just ditch it or sell it to the poor people as cheap meat."

* * *

Yami was still going around the courtyard, singing that song and had now moved onto smashing windows. He was only doing this because the queen had cut off his leather buying privileges and made him spit-shine her 300 pairs of shoes. Just as he was about to smash another window, he saw Haga and Ryuzaki walk over.

"Hey douche bags, what do you want?" He asked.

"The queen says that if you want your leather back, you must go to the forest with us." Ryuzaki replied, glaring at Yami who was grinning and pushing them towards the gate.

"Well if that's the case, I'll do anything you say!"

After an hour, the three were deep in the woods and Yami was pouting.

"Okay, we have been walking for an hour, why exactly did you take me out here and what are you doing with that box and knife?" Yami asked, pointing to the blade that Haga took out along with the box the other was holding.

Haga walked over and tried to lunge at Yami who just looked at him. "Are you gonna kill cute little me? That doesn't seem like a nice thing to do…" Yami pouted. He didn't want to die, he didn't deserve to die, he had so much to live for and there were so many things he had yet to do.

_-Suddenly you see Yami sitting at an office desk, with a head set on and smiling saying "Hello, may I transfer your call?" into the head set.- _

The two others stopped and frowned. "I can't do it Ryuzaki! I can't kill him!"

"My either Haga! Prince Yami, go and run deep into the woods and never come back until its safe! Queen Anzu wants you dead and she'll do anything to kill you!

Yami blinked. "That's not very nice, why would she want to kill me?"

"Because you're better looking then her."

"Well, that much is obvious."

Haga and Ryuzaki sighed and sent Yami going. They decided to bring back the heart of a pig to the queen to shut her up.

Yami was very pissed that he was forced into uncharted woods without anything to help him. "Damn! This is the worse day of my life!" He groaned but blinked when he noticed something. He noticed a small house and walked over to it, finding that the door wasn't even locked.

"Well, I guess that means I can come in."

Opening the door, Yami looked around in disgust. The house was a complete mess! Dishes, trash, clothing, it was everywhere! And was that underwear hanging from the ceiling?! "Good Ra in butter! Who lives in this shit hole?!" Since he was the prince, Yami decided to look around. Everything looked weird, like a bachelor pad.

Walking upstairs, Yami found seven beds and just plopped down on one of them, too tired to do anything else. Meanwhile, coming up from the hill that over looked the house were seven men.

There was Yugi, Jou, Honda, Marik, Malik, Ryo, and Bakura.

Unlike the seven dwarves in the Disney story, these boys were actually normal sized men, though Yugi was short. They owned the largest gem factory and mine in the entire kingdom, and yet they lived in a small house in the middle of nowhere, but this was because Jou accidentally sold their mansion for a something that no one can remember.

"Holy shit on a shingle! The door's open!" Bakura pointed out as they got closer to the house.

"If someone has stolen anything, then you'll just steal it back Bakura." Marik sighed and pushed him out of the way to step into the house. They noticed that it was still a mess and that no one had stolen anything, but this was only the first floor.

"Yugi, you go check! If there is anything up there and it attacks, your death rattle will alert us!" Jou spoke, too scared to go up himself and Yugi looked at him in angered shock before sighing and going up there himself.

Finding that the door to their bedroom was open, Yugi looked around and turned on the lights and heard a muffled groan. "Turning off da lights…" Yugi blinked and walked over to his bed.

On the bed was a figure that looked an awful lot like Yugi, only dressed in tight clothing with some Egyptian bling on a chain around his neck.

"Hey! You're Prince Yami! HEY EVERYONE!" Yugi screamed, alerting everyone in the house and scaring poor Yami awake. "PRINCE YAMI IS IN MY BED!"

The sound of thundering feet came up the stairs and everyone stared in shock at the equally shocked prince. "I CALL FIRST DIBS ON HIS ASS!" Jou yelled out of nowhere and Yugi slapped him on the back of the head.

"Who are you people…?" Yami raised an eyebrow.

"Well, we are the owners of the house. I'm Ryo, this is Bakura, Marik, Honda, Malik, Jou, and the one who broke the sound barrier is Yugi." The nice white-haired boy spoke up first and Yami blinked.

"Hey, I know those names; you guys make the finest jewelry in all the kingdoms. If you guys are so rich, why do you live in this crap shack?"

Everyone pointed to Jou. "He did it." They all exclaimed and Jou only sheepishly grinned.

"Anyway," Yugi spoke up, "what are you doing out here Prince Yami? This doesn't exactly seem like somewhere you want to be at all."

"My step-mother Anzu, she wants me dead and her henchmen couldn't kill me so they sent me away. Then I got lost and ended up here."

The seven men looked at him before turning to each other and spoke in a hushed manner. "Group talk!" Yugi exclaimed before speaking quietly to the others, everything was too muffled for Yami to hear properly, and then they turned back to him. "You can stay with us until you can return to your kingdom."

A low groan came from Yami, he was stuck living with a band of seven dorks.

* * *

"Mirror, mirror of the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

"Not you honey! Prince Yami is still the sexiest thing since sex!"

"WHAT?! Then I must destroy him… where is he now!?"

"He's living with the Seven Mines owners in the forest. Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

* * *

Yami sighed as he looked out the window, playing with a diamond bracelet he stole from Marik. Yugi had told him to stay home and try and find something to do that didn't result in destroying the house. So for two hours Yami cleaned up the house, using animals to do his bidding.

Now it was in the middle of the afternoon and Yami was playing with the bracelet, holding it up and gasping when he saw that there were rainbows coming from it when it was held up in front of light. But a voice interrupted his little discovery.

"Combs for sale! Get your lovely combs for sale!" He turned to see an old hag walking around with a basket and holding up a very pretty looking shell comb. Yami blinked, he needed a comb since he didn't like using over people's stuff.

"Hey lady! How much are those?" He asked and the lady walked over to him.

"Why, for someone as lovely as you, you can have it for free!" She grinned evilly and Yami could see her nasty teeth.

"Well, you're clearly evil, but I don't see any harm from taking something that is free." He smiled and she handed him the comb before she ran off laughing madly. Yami blinked again and shrugged before he started to run it through his hair until…

"What the hell?!" The comb was stuck in his hair and there was a strange, green goo in his hair and on his hand. He let out a very high pitched scream when he realized it would not come off.

Meanwhile, Yugi shuddered violently as he walked back to the house, hearing a loud sound. It sounded like Yami, or a dying animal. He ran to the house to find Yami on the ground outside, growling and trying to remove his hands from his hair along with a comb and some leaves.

"Yami what happened?!" He had only come home to check on Yami and now he found him like this.

"Umm… some old lady gave me a comb and then I got it stuck and then there was green goo and now I can't get my hands out of my hair, can you help me?"

Yugi sighed and lead Yami to the bath where they spent five hours cleaning Yami's hair to get all the goo out. Yugi then gave Yami a lecture on not talking to strangers and not taking strange things.

Yami obeyed, but not for long…

* * *

The mirror just sighed at the laughing queen. "So you made the comb release sticky stuff when it ran through Yami's hair? How is that evil?"

"It's evil because it will be ruined! Yami's hair is a trademark for his beauty and now its ruined!" Anzu laughed again.

"Didn't work," The mirror showed Yami, scratching at his now clean and wet hair, "seems that it got washed out. Why don't you actually do something evil?"

Anzu glared and thought this over, before going to head for her basement of evilness.

* * *

"Sometimes men love women, and sometimes men love men! And there are bisexuals, but some just say they're kidding themselves!" Yami sang as he swept the front porch, a week had gone by since the old hag had come by and life was okay.

"Hello there boy."

"AHH!" Yami jolted and turned around to see said hag near him. "Jesus Christ Bananas, you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

"Sorry, I just wanted to know if you would like a beautiful chocker." She held a crimson leather chocker with a jeweled buckle. Yami looked at it in delight but remembered Yugi's words of not taking things.

"Sorry, but I can't take it, Yugi told me not to."

"Well, he would let you have it anyway, after all the jewels are from his company."

Yami thought about it for a moment, which meant that he could take it, right? "Well, okay, I guess I can take it." He removed his old one and put on the new one, but as soon as he clipped it together, it started tightening around his neck and he started chocking.

"You are so stupid…!" Anzu laughed and ran off as Yami started gagging before passing out. He was found two hours later by Jou and Marik who had to go home to get Jou a pair of underpants because going commando was not work appropriate and Marik needed to do a touch up on his hair.

"Oh my Gods! Jou, Yami's dead!" Marik squeaked in fear, which meant that Yugi would be pissed and you do NOT want to deal with a pissed Yugi. "Quick, let's hide the body in a ditch and say Yami went back to the kingdom!"

"No, he's still alive, look he's breathing." Jou pointed to Yami's barely rising chest. Using a knife, he cut the collar off and Yami gasped when he could breathe again.

"You okay Prince Yami?" The blond asked.

"Yeah… must have put it on too tight."

* * *

"Did it work? Am I now the most beautiful woman in the kingdom?" Anzu asked in delight.

"Nope, your beauty compared to Yami's is like comparing a pig's dirty butt to a beautiful work of art, and Yami's the work of art."

"Damn it! Now I'll have to do something drastic!"

* * *

Yugi glared at Yami who was sitting in the chair, pouting and looking cute which made Yugi want to go AWWWW but he wasn't going to because he was in angry-Yugi mode right now.

"Yami, today I want you to lock the doors, don't talk to any strangers, and don't take strange objects! You are only allowed to open the door for me and the others alright?"

The prince nodded, fiddling with his Egyptian puzzle around his neck. Honda walked over to Yugi, tapping his shoulder. "Come on man, we have to get to work."

The seven dorks left Yami alone where he decided to invade Bakura, Malik, and Jou's porn stash to see what kinds they had. Everything was gay and there seemed to be a lot of strange looking things that were used, giving Yami dirty ideas to use incase he ever found his Prince Charming, but he will because he's the main character of this story.

After a while and Yami falling asleep during a long dialog scene, there was a knock on the door. The prince walked over and looked out the peep hole and saw the old hag, holding a basket.

"Nobody's home!" Yami called.

"But I bring an apology gift!"

"Nobody's home!"

"To make up for giving you a too-small collar!"

"You're a stranger, you're not allowed in!"

"But a stranger is someone you meet once, and we have met twice before. We are no longer strangers!"

Yami blinked, the old lady had a point, so he opened the door a bit and looked at her. "What's in the basket? Cause I'm not allowed to take strange gifts."

"Just a basket of apples, and I have a lovely, plump red one that you might like." She held it up and Yami did want it, it looked Yami. But he didn't trust her and rejected it, but she shoved the apple into Yami's mouth and slapped the back of his head to make him take a bite.

And Yami fell to the floor, dead as a successful emo who finally killed himself.

Anzu laughed loudly and changed back into her normal form, running off in glee that she had finally killed the poor boy that lay dead on the living room floor as the TV played a kinky scene between two gay cowboys eating pudding.

When the dorks arrived home, they were in for the shock of their lives, though Malik, Jou, and Bakura were more focused on the TV rather then the dead body on the floor.

* * *

After a week of just leaving Yami's body on the floor, they realized that Yami was not decomposing so they used their large sum of money to build a beautiful coffin with a jeweled case and a glass top so they could look at Yami's still beautiful body. But they left him in the forest for two months without really paying much attention, though Yugi would visit.

Then one day, there was a loud yell. Zooming over the forest was the sexy prince Seto Kaiba of a neighboring kingdom, riding on a large white dragon and having some issues with driving since he just got his license.

But he ended up making an emergency stop when something shiny down in a bare path of woods. Landing with a loud thud, the dragon came to a stop near a coffin above ground. He blinked and walked over. "Who's stupid enough to leave a coffin out in the… HELLO! That is one beautiful guy!"

Kaiba grinned at he looked at the figure that lay inside, to bad he was dead. But no one is around… that meant that he might be able to kiss this cute person. Hey, it's fine in a fairy-tale for the handsome prince to kiss the dead princess or prince in this case.

Pushing off the top carefully, Kaiba kept looking at the beautiful boy until the top slipped and crashed. "Opps… umm… better make this quick." The prince leaned down to kiss the boy, lifting him up slightly to kiss those soft lips. He pulled away and let the body drop and when it hit the coffin, something popped out of his mouth.

A chunk of apple? Kaiba raised an eyebrow but heard the boy coughing. "You're… you're alive!" He turned to find crimson-eyes staring into his blue ones.

"Holy shit… my prince charming saved me?! How did you do it and why do I taste cherry lip gloss…?" Yami licked his lips, secretly Kaiba has worn cherry lip blam, keeps them from getting dry.

"I um… kissed you and you woke up, yeah let's go with that. Anyway, I am Prince Seto Kaiba and you are?"

"I am Prince Yami." Yami smiled as Kaiba helped him out.

"Hey, you're a prince and so am I! Let's get married!" Kaiba smiled and Yami hugged him before the shared a tongued kiss. The poor dragon had to cover its eyes so it didn't have to see its master dry humping the prince.

* * *

Anzu walked over to the mirror again for the seventh time that day. "So my dear mirror, who is the fairest in the land today?" She blinked when the mirror changed to that of a red-head boy with grey-eyes, glaring at her.

"Listen woman! I'm tired of you asking me that! You know what, Yami is the fairest person in the land, he has always been! He wasn't dead at all when he bit into the apple, he we asleep! Now he is getting married to Prince Kaiba and for your information, I actually have a life! Alistair's the name and babe, you have never been pretty." The mirror popped itself off the wall and rolled away.

Anzu growled in anger. "That little slut is STILL alive?! He must die!"

She stormed off to the castle that Kaiba ruled over and found that Yami was indeed still alive and that he was marring Kaiba. She lunged at the young boy but with a flick of his wrist, Kaiba ordered his dragon to eat Anzu.

With her gone, the wedding continued and when they said I do, Kaiba tackled Yami to the floor to sex him up, in front of everyone and the seven dorks, though they were cheering them on and Marik demanded that Yami take off his clothes.

The End

* * *

Hope that was good, please review and I'll do another one!

_-Suddenly you see Yami sitting at an office desk, with a head set on and smiling saying "Hello, may I transfer your call?" into the head set.- _This joke is actually from an episode of Spongebob, bet you can't guess which one!


	3. Chap 3: Sleeping Yami

Here is another story for my Prideshipping fairy-tales, and if you have a fairy tale you would like to see in here, then tell me so I can put it in. But if has to be a FAIRY-TALE, I won't take anything else, but if it is a fable, that can be included as well because that's pretty cool, or anything by Hans Christian Anderson, that's fine too.

This chapter is Sleeping Yami! Though I want to say Sleeping Sexy, but that won't work.

Summery: Prince Yami is cursed and the three fairies must protect him until then. But when the curse does occur, will Prince Seto save him in time before he sleeps forever?

Warning: This chapter is pretty much the same as the other ones, being random and whatnot, though Pegasus is the villain this time.

I own nothing but Anti-Seto, though he looks like Kaiba from season zero of Yu-Gi-Oh. I also own the made up cards used in this.

This chapter is an apology to Madam Hathor because I wrote a sad fic where Yami dies and she doesn't like when I write sad stuff. And yet she is an angst writer as well. *rolls eyes* Okay, so this is for her and to do some advertisement! Please read Come Undone, I want to know how sad it is!

On with the fic!

* * *

**Sleeping Yami**

**One-shot**

* * *

As all fairy-tales start out, once upon a time in the kingdom of Domino, there was a king and a queen who were desperate to have a daughter that will marry the son of the king of Kaiba Land. They soon had a child, but it was a son. They didn't care, he was a handsome young baby and on the day of his birth, the king threw a HUGE party.

In the throne room, the people gave gifts to Prince Yami who slept through it all. Coming up to bring their gift was King Gozaburo Kaiba and his son Seto Kaiba. The young brunet pouted as he was lead to the area Yami was in. "Father, this is stupid; I don't want to get married to a boy!"

"You'll marry him, deal with it!" Gozaburo spat back. It had been agreed months in advance for Seto to marry Yami, be him born male or female.

Seto pouted again and looked at the baby who opened his eyes, revealing crimson. Seto took back what he said on not marrying the boy, this kid was so gorgeous! Suddenly there was a loud crashing sound and everyone in the room turned to see that a window had broken.

Tumbling to the floor were three fairies. The one in red was Yugi, the leader. The one in green was Jou, the dimwitted one, and the one in blue was Anti-Seto, the insane one of the bunch.

"Sorry," Yugi spoke as he stood up, "Anti-Seto got us lost. So! Where is the baby?" He smiled brightly and the king pointed to the crib.

Squealing, all three looked at the new born prince in delight. He was so cute! "Oh! I get first dibs on giving him a gift!" Anti-Seto cheered, gold-eyes shining brightly.

"Alright, but it better be good." Jou pouted.

Smirking, Anti-Seto pulled out a card from the box on his belt and tossed it in the air. "I activate the card Eternal Beauty! This card's magic will make Yami the most fantastic and greatest looking person in the known world!" These cards were used as special spells, but they could also do magic with wands.

A brilliant blue light came off the card and hit Yami before it vanished. The card stopped glowing and Anti-Seto put it away. "Alright mutt, it's your turn." A loud 'HA' came from Seto who stood a distance away.

"Don't call me that! And you!" Jou pointed to a smirking Seto, "Don't encourage him! He'll never leave!"

Clearing his throat, Jou pulled a card from his own deck. "Alright, I activate Graceful Steps! This means that Yami will be graceful and talented!" A green light game from the card, doing the same thing as Anti-Seto's card did.

"My turn!" Yugi smiled and was about to pull a card out when there was a large boom, followed by a cloud of smoke. Turning, the fairies gasped in shook to see a man in a weird out standing in the center of the room. His long silver hair covered half his face and in his hand was a staff with a bunny-bird hybrid sitting on top of it.

"It's Pegasus! The evil fairy!" The king yelled.

"Well duh." Pegasus responded. "How dare you have a party and not invite me!"

"Yeah, _every_ party needs a drag queen." Anti-Seto rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping in every word. He was popped on the back of the head by Yugi.

"Shut up Anti-Seto, do you want your wings to be deep fried!?" The sound of someone clearing their throat caught their attention and they looked at an impatient Pegasus. "Carry one, sorry about that." Yugi grinned nervously.

"As I was saying, how dare you! You invited everyone in the kingdom and yet you didn't invite me to see your new son? How rude!" He walked over to the crib and saw Yami looking up at him, blinking and giving him a what-the-fuck kinda face.

"Hmm, cute kid. Well, how about this! Since I'm here, I'll give him a gift! On his sixteenth birthday, he shall prick his finger," Anti-Seto giggled at the word 'prick', "and die!" A weird light came from his staff and hit Yami making him sneeze.

"What kinda lousy gift it that?!" Jou exclaimed, but was ignored when Pegasus laughed and vanished in a puff of smoke, saying his shows were on.

The room was quiet and everyone turned to the three magical beings in the room. Yugi was the first to speak. "Well… this sucks. I guess I can waste my gift for Yami on saving him."

"Can't you take away the curse?" The king asked but Yugi shook his head.

"Pegasus' magic is strange; it doesn't go away so easily. But I can change the effects just a bit." Yugi winked and walked over to Yami who was blinking up at him.

"Alright Yami," he pulled a card from his desk, "I activate the card Hundred Years of Sleep! This card allows for you to live when you prick, don't laugh Anti-Seto, your finger. You will only fall asleep, and true love's kiss will be what wakes you up. But if it doesn't come within a hundred years, you will die."

"That's stupid!" Yugi turned and glared an Anti-Seto. "Why not just change the whole spell if you can change the results to let him live?"

"Because its doesn't work like that!" Yugi drew a card and it smacked Anti-Seto right in the face.

* * *

The day, the king had all the spinning wheels burned which wasn't exactly a smart idea because Yami had to prick his finger at the age of sixteen and also without a spinning wheel, everyone in the kingdom would be without clothing.

While this act of stupidity was going on, Yugi, Jou, and Anti-Seto sat in a room, talking to one another. "Look, we need to make sure that poor Yami doesn't end up dying in this story because the writer doesn't want her ass chewed."

"Umm, Yug, don't you mean Yami doesn't end up sleeping? And did you just break the fourth wall?" Jou raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up Jou and don't correct me! Now I have a plan, why don't we kidnap Yami and have him live out in the forest with us! This way he won't be found by Pegasus and he won't prick his finger!"

Anti-Seto started laughing loudly and he fell out of his chair, still laughing at the word prick. The other two stared at him, wondering how this Prince-Kaiba look-alike was even a fairy at all.

"Well," Anti-Seto finally spoke, still giggling, "that means we have to make sure Pegasus doesn't know about this. So let's do it when it's the witching hour, that's usually when me and my friend Bakura go and steal things anyway."

"Anti-Seto, what have we told you about hanging out with Bakura? You're a negative influence on him." Yugi said sternly.

"You never let me have my way!"

"Because your way usually involves fires, hiring assassins, getting mind crushed or spending billions of dollars of death traps!"

The two fairies bickered for a good twenty minutes before they heard a small sound and turned to see Jou standing by the door, the prince in his arms. "I got him while you guys were yelling, let's go."

And so the three boys and the baby dashed off into the night, towards a cottage that they owned.

They got Yami into a room and went into the living area. "Alright, now that Yami is living with us, we need to make sure that he doesn't know he is the prince, so that means he needs a name change." Yugi crossed his arms and sat on the couch.

"I say we give him a cool name, like Joe Kickass." Jou spoke up, cleaning his fingernails out with the tip of his wand.

"Umm… keep trying."

Anti-Seto thought for a moment. "How about Atemu, it sounds kinda cool and it fits him."

The other two nodded, mumbling in agreement.

* * *

Sixteen years had passed and Yami, Atemu, turned into the hottest thing in the whole forest, and kingdom though he had not seen any other humans in years, not since he Mind Crushed a hunter who tried shooting at him, thinking he was a deer. *Give you three guesses as to who tired to shoot Atemu* I'm sure you are wondering why Yami can Mind Crush, well, because shut up.

Right now Atemu was strolling through the woods, swinging around his bat from when he was Snow White, smacking birds and small animals, all the while singing to himself out loud.

_Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket  
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it  
Hieroglyphics? Let me be specific I wanna be down in your South Seas  
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means small craft advisory  
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide B-5 you sunk my battleship  
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip  
So show me yours I'll show you mine Tool Time you'll love it just like Lyle  
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch X-Files!_

But he stopped when he heard something and saw something zoom above the sky. It looked like a dragon and he heard a slight yell before there was a crash and a loud set of curse words that Atemu knew well from when Anti-Seto and Jou were fighting over the remote.

"Hmm, should I explore this strange thing, or should I just keep smacking animals with a bat…?" He looked at the forest and then at the bat, then back at the forest. "… I'll go with the bat." So he swung and smacked a bird.

Over at the crash site was a large white dragon and a brunet with dashing good looks a few feet away. Kaiba was cussing under his breath now, holding his head. He was an excellent fighter and dragon master, but driving a dragon, HA! That was another story!

He sat up and looked around. "Shit… I'm in a forest… and my dragon is knocked out." Suddenly, a small bird zoomed by, screeching loudly before slamming into a tree and hitting the ground with a splat. Then he heard some very loud singing and saw a chipmunk flying through the trees and through a bush came a young man with sexy, yet ridiculous hairdo, holding a bloody bat, a satisfied smirk on his face.

Atemu had a set a new record on smacking animals but blinked when he noticed that someone was watching. "Hmm?" He looked at the person in front of him and raised and eyebrow.

"Who are you?" The brunet asked.

"I'm Atemu, animal slayer, who the hell are you?"

"Prince Seto Kaiba." Kaiba smirked.

"You don't look like a prince to me, where is your crown and you gay outfit and hair cut?" Now Atemu wasn't use to seeing live humans, so he got his knowledge from fairy-tale books and Atemu's vision of a prince is one of those goofy looking ones.

"Well, I'm a prince but not one of THOSE princes. I'm more of the kind that women actually want to be with. But I don't like women, men are much better."

"Women?" Atemu blinked. "Oh! You mean those guys with the little hills on their chests?" And he wasn't exactly the smartest person on earth, especially because Anti-Seto and Jou were awful teachers and Yugi gave up teaching Atemu years ago after he stated that there was no way in hell that math would ever help anyone, math is just made up things that are completely useless and is only there to torture people.

"Umm… have you ever seen a woman?"

"Nope, I never get to see people here!" Yami grinned, rocking back and forth on his feet.

"My guardians think I should be anti-social. I know what guys are since I am one and I know how they have sex, especially when my guardians have an orgy, but I know nothing about women."

Kaiba blinked. "So… you're single and gay?"

"Yep!"

And so, a small make-out session happened and the two talked for a while, Kaiba stating that he was suppose to get married but he would rather get married to Atemu. So they decided to get married the next day when Kaiba would come back and kidnap him from the fairies.

Atemu kissed Kaiba one last time and skipped home, still swinging his trusty bat around and bludgeoning poor animals on his way home.

* * *

At the cottage, Yugi was panicking, Atemu turned sixteen today and that meant that the curse was gonna happen. Well, if it does happen it's not his fault, it's everyone else's fault. Yeah, it's always someone else's fault, never his.

"Yugi, stop walking around like that, you've brunt a hole in the floor." Anti-Seto pointed out, looking at the large oval on the ground made by Yugi who had been walking around in that pattern since Atemu stepped out of the house.

"I'm just worried about him, that's all. I mean, come on! He's been like a Mou Hitori no Boku to me through all this and today is the day that the curse begins!" Yugi tapped the floor with his wand to repair it.

"Don't worry Yugi! Atemu has that strange bat that smells like blood with him! If Pegasus tries anything, Yami will just beat the shit out of him, with any luck." Jou grinned just as the door was burst open, revealing Atemu with his booted foot stretched out, meaning he kicked the door open.

"I'M HOME! Guess what! I broke my record of hitting animals and I got myself a boyfriend! So, what's for dinner?" He grinned as he flopped down on the couch; the other three stared at him in shock.

Atemu… has a boyfriend?!

"Did you get lucky?" Jou and Yugi turned to Anti-Seto, whose face showed indifference on this whole situation as he took a drink from his beer. Yes, in this world there is beer.

"Sadly no, screwing in a forest wouldn't be great. And why are you guys so surprised, I'm being starved of my need for love by you guys! How come you never let me see people, if you did, I would have meet Seto Kaiba earlier!"

"Seto… Kaiba… but Atemu, you've meet him before." Yugi spoke softly.

"What do you mean Aibou?" Atemu asked, using his nickname form Yugi.

"Well… not wanting to really fuck up everything you have ever known, but you're actually a prince and your name is Yami, not Atemu. So… yeah, and you are already engaged to Kaiba…" Jou spoke up.

Well, to say Atemu, now Yami again, was pissed was the understatement of the century. He ran outside and Mind Crushed all the woodland creatures in a one mile radius.

* * *

And so Yami was forced to return to his castle of origin and he was not happy about it so he ran off through the halls, screaming in a fit of rage and swinging his trusty bat at anyone who came near him.

So he ran to every room and scared the hell out of every one until he reached a room with a mirror in it. "What the hell…?" He walked over to it and smirked at his reflection, loving how he looked but a strange green light was seen floating in the background so he turned to see the orb that turned into Funny Bunny.

Yami looked at it for a moment and then an extremely evil look formed on his face, a shark-like smirk was on his face as he chased after the rabbit to see if cartoon characters bleed.

After a bit, the rabbit led Yami to a tower where he watched as Funny Bunny vanished and was replaced by a glowing spinning wheel. Yami blinked at it and noticed that the tip was shinny, and like all those annoying people on the internet who obsess over shinny shit, he reached out to poke it, but pricked his finger and fell to the floor.

His last words before falling into a coma were, "didn't this happen to me before…?"

* * *

"Don't you wish your cards games are fun like mine…" Kaiba mumbled/ sang under his breath as he actually, for once, successfully landed his Blue-Eyes. He walked over to the cottage that Atemu told him to go to, and he noticed that the door was unlocked.

He opened it up and saw that someone in a fruity, off-the-rack orange suit. "Ooh! Prince Kaiba! I guess you came for your prince Yami." Pegasus smiled.

"Prince Yami? Why would I come for him, I'm here for Atemu."

"They are the same person."

"Whoa! That's impossible, and yet… hmm, I guess you're right." Kaiba thought about it for a moment and Pegasus rolled his eyes as Kaiba pondered out loud on the subject.

While Kaiba was talking, Pegasus wacked him on the back of the head, knocking him out and rushing out of the cottage, but not before taking some porn for himself. When the fairies came home, they saw the Blue-Eyes outside and that Anti-Seto's porn was stolen.

It was Pegasus who kidnapped Kaiba and put Yami in a coma.

Duh-dun-dun!

* * *

Kaiba was in a dungeon, watching some of Pegasus' minions playing D & D, just to torture him more then the minions who talked about sci-fi shows and the ones that talked about stupid American comics. (AN: I don't mind comics, I just hate certain ones, I HATE THEM SO MUCH!)

"Please for the love of me, get me out of here!" Kaiba groaned in annoyance.

Suddenly there was a loud crashing sound, followed by yelling, violence and magical powers. Then the cell where Kaiba was being kept was smashed open by one very angry looking Yugi, followed by a frightened Jou and Anti-Seto.

"Jeez Yug! I didn't know you could punch down a wall!" Jou smiled brightly.

"Now is not the time Jou!" He then turned to Kaiba and drew a card. "I activate De-Spell!" The locks came undone. "Now move your damn butt! You need to sex up Yami life so we can get through with this stupid story!"

The other three watched as the pissed fairy stormed out of the dungeon, beating up everyone in his path. They soon escaped the castle and realized that it would take a while to get to Yami's castle and since I won't allow the fairies to teleport, they have to fly on Kaiba's dragon.

"Okay, so let me get this bent, I have to get past Pegasus' traps and then I have to kiss Yami to wake him up?" Kaiba asked as Yugi drove the dragon at high speed.

"Yeah, now shut up!"

Kaiba raised an eyebrow and turned to Jou and Anti-Seto. "What's his problem?"

"He's mad, and when Yugi's mad, he won't stop being that way until whatever made him angry is fixed. He does this often, nothing new but punching down a wall is." The green-haired fairy grinned.

Suddenly they saw a wall of thorn bushes keeping them from getting into the castle. "Oh hell no!" Yugi growled. "Blue-Eyes, white lightning!" The dragon shot a blast out and the whole garden burst into fire then into a smoldering pile of ash.

The dragon then flew off into the distance toward the castle where Yugi made a perfect parallel park. Then he pushed Kaiba to Yami's room, demanding him to suck Yami's face.

Kaiba entered the room to find Yami sleeping on the bed, being very still. He gulped and walked over, leaning down to kiss Yami softly. But when Kaiba finished, a puff of smoke came up and Pegasus laughed.

"You're too late! Yami is dead, you will never save him! And now I will take you back to my castle to make you a sex slave!"

Kaiba gasped in shock.

But as Pegasus laughed and WHACK! He jolted and stopped, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he fell over, Yami standing behind him with his bat resting comfortably on his shoulder, a super annoyed and tired expression on his face.

"Worst. Fucking. Alarm. Clock. **Ever**."

And so, Kaiba and Yami lived happily ever after, and Anti-Seto got his porn back.

The End

* * *

I really love Yami with a bat; it might become a running theme in this story, along with Yami singing random songs. This chapter Yami sang Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang. BTW, the song Kaiba sang before he got kidnapped was from the opening to one of the episodes of Yu-Gi-Oh the Abridged Series.

I had fun with this chapter, and I think I'll do Red Riding Hood next chapter because Hathor brought it up and I had plans to do that story a while ago.

BTW, please, for the love of God, don't steal my Anti-Seto.

Please review!


	4. Chap 4: Little Red Riding Yami

Madam Hathor told me to go with this idea, and I agreed because I'm gullible and I fall for almost everything she tells me. I have to stop listening to her.

Summery: Little Red Riding Yami is sent to his grandfather's house but along the way he meets a sexy brunet woodsman, actually woods-CEO, and a white haired wolf man who is trying to 'eat' him up.

Warning: Contains random situations, Yami's bat from the last two chapters, attempted (but failed) rape, and old man abuse. Also drag on Yami's part. YAY! The first of Yami-drag in my story!

Pairings: Kaiba/ Yami and one-sided Bakura/ Yami (this was Hathor's idea)

Note: The original plot was for Yami to get stalked by Kaiba who was to be the Big Bad Wolf, but Hathor (by Good and Evil, she is the one who is controlling the plot of this chapter, not me!) said not to do that and to make it Bakura because Kaiba should save Yami. And I agreed, plus I had Kaiba rape Yami in a one-shot called Little Red already.

This is for all the people who reviewed Little Red and the last chapter for this story, and Hathor because she is the one who made me write this whole fic anyway cause she didn't like that I killed Yami and Kaiba. I have my reasons, even if they are stupid!

On with the fic!

* * *

**Little Red Riding Yami**

* * *

Once upon a time, in the country of France because according to Yamino Tenshi 202 the original took place there, there was a forest that was said to be filled with strange beasts and an old man who was just that crazy to go and live in the center of the woods.

Outside of the forest was a small village and living in the village was the grandsons of the old man. Yami and Yugi lived in a small house that sat at the edge of the forest, right at the start of the only safe trail that lead inside. Once day, Yami was outside, wearing a red cape with a hood on it and was throwing rocks at squirrels he saw in the bushes and trees. But one rock flew into a bush and hit something that made a loud growling sound, followed by a muffled 'shit' before it seemed to leave where it had been.

As Yami pondered on this, he heard the loud voice of his little brother calling him. "YAMI! COME INSIDE!" Yami rolled his eyes and looked at Yugi who was only a few feet away.

"Any reason as to why you were screaming?"

"Just the screw with you, but I really need you to come inside."

Once inside, Yugi pushed a basket into Yami's hands and the other blinked. "You want me to go on a picnic?"

"No stupid, you need to take that to Grandpa."

"Now why the hell would I risk my life in the deep dark woods just for that stupid jerk?!"

"Because he's sick."

Yami frowned. "I'm clicking the rewind button and then the play button for my last statement."

"Because, dear brother," Yugi got right in his older brother's face and glared deeply, "if you don't do this then I'll delete all your saved video games, destroy your folders on your laptop, and flush your mp3 player down the toilet." A sweet smile also graced his features, and Yami squealed in fear.

"You wouldn't dare! Why can't you do it?!"

"Are you nuts!? I'm just a minor character in this story, you're the main character and besides, you're already dressed for the part. Speaking of which…" He looked the other over, Yami happened to be wearing a black and red version of Red Riding Hood's normal outfit, that's right, he's in a dress.

"It is sliming and hides my thighs."

Yugi raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Just go and make sure to stay on the trail and never talk to strangers!" Yugi called out as Yami headed outside to the woods, his hood over his head.

* * *

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! There they are, a standing it a row! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head!" Yami sang as he marched through the woods, swinging around the basket and a bat he brought with him as protection.

He stopped after a bit and sat down and started to dig through the basket, looking for anything of interest that would make him happy. He found a container of yummy cookies that Yugi had made for their grandfather, but Yami wanted them. Sitting down on a rock, Yami opened the container and started to munch on the yummy snacks, but a dark shadow loomed over him and he looked up, seeing a man with wolf ears and a wolf tail, along with white hair and claws and was wearing a stripped blue and white shirt and jeans.

"Hello little boy, those look yummy, can I taste them?"

"The cookies?" Yami replied but the other shook his head.

"No, your creamy thighs my dear boy." The wolf reached over and lifted up Yami's dress to look at his legs and lick his lips.

Yami blushed and lifted up his bat and smacked the wolf man in the face and he growled and dashed off as Yami yelled pervert and rapist over and over again. He didn't stop until the bat flew out of his hands but it was caught by someone.

The boy's crimson-eyes widened as he looked at the man who caught his bat. He was tall, lean, and drop dead sexy with his brunet hair and brilliant blue-eyes. He was dressed in a blue trench coat with a forest-green dress shirt that was opened far enough the give a yummy preview of his chest. His pants hugged his legs, showing off all the right things and he seemed to be giving Yami a strange look.

"What's this about a perverted rapist?" Yami was close to drooling as he looked at the man, admiring his voice.

Finally he spoke after the brunet waved his hand in the spaced out Yami's face. "I'M YAMI! WHAT'S YOUR NAME!?"

The other raised an eyebrow before chuckling. "The name is Seto Kaiba, so are you going to answer my question or just scream again." This made Yami blush and nibble on a cookie as he looked away from Kaiba.

"Umm, some stupid wolf was trying to look up my dress as I was eating cookies."

"A wolf? Did he have white hair?" Yami nodded. "Damnit, he's back. I thought the restraining order would last longer…"

"Restraining order?"

"He's Bakura, the Big Bad Wolf. He terrorizes people and steals from my company. You see, I'm a-."

"A woodsman?"

"Actually a woods-CEO, I own Kaiba Corp. that largest building company and technology company in all over the fairy tale world. And Bakura keeps stealing money from me and he's killed a few of my employees. Not that leprechaun laborers can't be replaced, but they aren't cheap."

"I hear that, we tried to get them to build a shop in our village, the price was too high." They laughed for a short period of time and soon Kaiba handed Yami back his bat and took a cookie as thanks.

"Alright Yami, I need to go and examine some areas around here for future projects. Now remember, watch out for Bakura because he might be after you still. Just head to your grandfather's house and then leave right after and don't stop until you are out of the forest, Bakura can only stay in the forest."

"Well… maybe I'd be safer if you walked me home later, I mean, when you're not busy…" Yami smiled and blushed lightly and the other smirked and bowed slightly.

"Alright, I can do that; I'll stop by to take you home. Until then," he kissed Yami's hand and left, waving to him and Yami was grinning from ear to ear as he skipped a bit, smacking birds out of trees as he did.

* * *

Almost to the house, Yami noticed that Bakura was looking at him from a tree branch. "Hello beautiful." He smirked and Yami frowned, his fingers drummed on the handle of the bat.

"Leave me alone, you've tried hitting on me nineteen times already and besides, I'm not suppose to talk to strangers." With that, Yami continued walking, Bakura jumped down and followed behind.

"What about that Kaiba jerk? You just met him today."

"He's a gentleman, and you're a mutt."

"Well, you should know that we aren't really strangers, we've meet plenty of times already so I'm no longer a stranger." Yami stopped and pondered on this, Bakura did make an excellent point there.

"Hmm, I see…" He looked to see a slight smirk on the wolf's face.

"You know Little Red," He called him; "do you think that Kaiba might like some flowers from you, as a nice gesture?"

Yami looked at him before thinking about the sexy brunet. He walked off the trail and towards a field of flowers and started to pick, without saying a word and Bakura smirked, running the rest of the way to the house.

Inside, Grandpa was sitting in bed and blinked when the door was kicked open and he saw the wolf walk in. "Hello, are you here to finally kill me?" Grandpa asked as he looked up at Bakura who raised an eyebrow.

"No."

"Oh darn it!"

Bakura rolled his eyes as the old man rambled on and on about young people as he pushed the old man into the closet and locked him inside, not really in the mood to kill today since all he wanted was Yami's nice body under him, and to do that, he would need to steal the old man's bed.

But Yami would become suspicious of him, so he quickly put on a shirt and overalls and then put his hair up under and bandana and used a grey marker to draw a mustache one his face and then he got in bed, just in time too since Yami came in by kicking the door.

"GRANDPA!" He called. "I'm here to give you stuff from Yugi!" He walked into the bed room and found someone in his grandfather's bed. It was Bakura, obviously, but he might as well play this wolf's game for a bit until Kaiba came to get him, then he could take care of the fuzzy stalker.

"Oh wow Grandpa! What big, evil eyes you have!" Yami said, half sarcastic like.

"The better to see and glare at you with my dear." Bakura mumbled, trying to sound old.

"Oh gee! What big, white ears you have!"

"The better to hear you screaming my name under you with my dear."

"Oh man! What big, clawed hands you have!"

"The better to grab your ass with my dear."

"Oh shit! What long, sharp fangs you have!"

"The better to nip you soft flesh with my dear." Jeez, this was turning Bakura on for some odd reason. Yami blushed deeply when he noticed something… interesting under the sheet that was forming.

"Oh fuck! What a bit cock you have!"

"The better to fuck you with, come here you!" Bakura tore the clothing off and jumped on Yami, knocking him into the floor and the boy squealed in fear, trying to get out from under the animal and trying to reach for hit bat, only for it to get knocked away. Yami was screaming and shouting as Bakura tried to remove his dressed until…

**CLUNK!**

Bakura froze and fell off Yami, who looked up to find Kaiba holding a metal briefcase and looked slightly pissed at the unconscious wolf on the floor. Yami grinned and jumped Kaiba, kissing him all over and thanking him greatly, which resulted in a hot make out session on the bed, all the while Grandpa was still in the closet, rambling about how crappy old people were.

The End

* * *

This is the shortest one so far since it isn't really a long story at all. Six pages though, that's a lot for a short story, though Little Red was longer. Anyway, please review and I hope you enjoyed. *grins and dashes off*


	5. Chap 5: RapYami

Rapunzel, I find this story kinda funny, one of my favorites as a child. But I'm not going with the version I read as a child, I'm going with that REAL version, because you guys need to see what really happened.

For this story, the witch is Anzu. As normal, Yami is or DID, or dimwit in distress, Kaiba is the sexy prince, and for this story Yugi and Jou will play Yami's parents, but Yugi's a boy still, because I'll explain here in the author's note.

Summery: After making his parents made a deal with a witch, Yami is stuck living in a tall tower for life, his hair growing very long and used as a ladder so people to use, including Prince Kaiba.

Warnings: Stupidity, minor blood, cussing, mpreg, and Yami's strange hobby of singing. Sadly, there is no bat in this story because it doesn't make much sense for Yami to have one.

Special thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. *hands out cookies*

Sadly, the title for this chapter is not witty like the others, which were not very witty at all. Also, I heard that a lot of vegetables have been used in the Rapunzel story, but rhubarb is the one that the Germans used in their version of the story from what my Host Nation teacher told me in elementary school.

The reason for mpreg is because… since I'm going with the original Grimm Brothers' version of the story, the prince had sex with Rapunzel. The baby is important in the story. Also, Yugi is still a boy and magic is the cause of this.

On with the fic!

* * *

**Rap-Yami**

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a farmer and his… man-wife and they lived near a field that was owned by the evil witch Anzu. One day, Jou's man-wife Yugi had gotten very sick and weak and he was upset. He did everything to make him healthy again, all though most of it had to do with sex.

Then one night, Yugi looked over at Jou. "Love, I think there is something that can make me feel better…"

"Is it sex?"

"No! It's rhubarb."

"Rhubarb? Why that?"

"Because it's suppose to be good for you and I know where to get some, the witch next door has them growing in her field and they were grown by magic, which means I'll get better." Yugi smiled softly and Jou nodded.

"But she might catch me and kill me."

"Well, you have to be sneaky."

Later that night, Jou quickly snuck out and jumped over the fence that Anzu had up to block off Jou's house from her yard. He looked at all the plants in the garden and grinned when he spotted the rhubarb. He pulled up some and dashed off back home, though he stole some more vegetables to make a salad for Yugi.

The next morning he served the dish to him and he was feeling a bit better so it was working. Every night for a month, Jou would steal the rhubarb and Yugi would get better bit by bit every day. One night, Jou jumped the wall and came face to face with one very angry looking woman.

"Oh… shit…"

"So, you're the one stealing from my field and stealing the clothing off my scarecrow!" Anzu yelled.

"Look lady, the guy knows how to dress. And I needed the rhubarb, it's keeping my man-wife alive while he's sick, I promise to stop stealing when he feels better! Just give me a few more days and I'll stop! Please! I'll give you anything in exchange!" Jou begged, looking at her.

Anzu thought for a moment and then smirked. "I see, alright I'll let you continue giving your wife my plants, but you have to do a trade with me."

"What kinda trade?"

"I get your first born child."

"Uhh… Yugi's a boy… how can I have a first born kid if I'm married to a guy?"

"Look, do you want your man-wife to die?"

"No."

"Then I get your first born child. Now go!" She watched as Jou dashed off, grabbed some rhubarb, then climbed the wall and ran to the house.

* * *

Apparently the plant not only healed Yugi, but it allowed him to be able to get pregnant, not that it bothered him and Jou since they loved the idea of having a kid and because Jou was an idiot, he totally forgot about his deal with the witch. And soon, Yugi had a beautiful baby boy that he named Yami for some odd reason.

After the baby was named, there was a knock. Jou got up and walked over and frowned. "Oh… right…" He looked at a very mad Anzu who motioned her hand, wanting her part of the bargain. Sighing, Jou turned and walked over to Yugi who blinked as Jou took Yami into his arms.

"Sorry Yugi, but in order to keep stealing those plants for you, I made a deal with Anzu and told her that I was giving her our first born kid so… sorry…" He walked over to Anzu and gave her Yami and she left. When Jou closed the door and turned around, he looked at an extremely pissed off Yugi, holding a frying pan in hand.

"You have a lot of explaining to do…"

"Eep."

* * *

For the first twelve years of Yami's life, he lived with Anzu in her house, noticing that the crazy neighbors next door would always wave at him and say nice things but he didn't really pay attention to them. But on his twelfth birthday, he was taken to a large tower covered in vines and surrounded by thorns.

Anzu made him climb up there and never let him out. The tower was tall and only had necessities for him, and yet one window was his only link to the outside world since Anzu never put in any doors that lead out. Poor Yami was stuck; Anzu never wanted her precious prize to ever be taken away.

Everyday she would visit him and he would always ask the same questions. "What did you bring me and can I leave?"

She would respond with answering the first question politely and the second one with an angry, "No! And stop asking!"

By the time Yami was fourteen, his once spiky hair that stuck up grew long, very long, yet the blond was always the same length. Because Yami's hair grew, the witch decided not to use the vines to climb up but rather Yami's long hair that was braided.

One day, when Yami became seventeen, Anzu walked over to the tower with a basket like normal. "Yami, Yami, let down your long hair. So I may climb the rainbow stair!" She called up and a moment later, a long, braided rope of black and red hair was sent through the window and she started to climb, ignoring Yami who was yelling and complaining that he was never going to get use to that. Once she got through the window, she looked at the beautiful boy who glared his crimson-eyes as her.

"I swear you're going to break my neck by doing this one day!"

"Oh hush! I brought you a book today, here you go." She handed him a book and he blinked, it was a fairy-tale book. He sat down and looked through it while Anzu cleaned up his room a bit.

"Hey Anzu?"

"Yes?" She turned to him and noticed that he was pointing to a picture of a prince rescuing a princess.

"Will a prince come get me one day?"

"No, don't think of ideas like that, and besides, they only save princesses, not boys like you who are trapped in towers. Now help me get down."

Yami pouted and looked at the picture once more before he closed the book to go and help Anzu down.

* * *

Walking through a forest, Prince Seto Kaiba went about glaring at any living thing in site. He was bored and has decided to take a walk, which was two days ago so it's safe to say that he was lost, and sadly his cell phone was left on its charger back at his castle so he couldn't use GPS and he couldn't call a horse to pick him up. Just when he was getting ready to blow up the forest, he heard a strange sound. It sounded like someone was singing.

He walked around, following the source of the singing. And then he spotted a large single tower. That was where the singing was the loudest and clearest.

"I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie world! Wrapped in plastic, it's fantastic! You can brush my hair, undress me anywhere! Imagination, life is your creation!"

Kaiba blinked and raised an eyebrow; it was a boy singing Barbie Girl? He noticed the boy stopped singing and moved over to the window and he gasped at the sight of the boy. He was drop dead beautiful! His face was perfectly shaped, his nose was small, his lips were a wine color, his skin was tan, his eyes were a sharp crimson, and his hair was long from what Kaiba could see in the bushes where he was hiding.

"I want that boy…" He mumbled to himself, he would have to come back to this place again to meet this boy. So he dashed off and realized that he only lived less then and hour away from this place, which pissed him off to no end.

The next day he hid in the bushes again to find that the boy was yelling at birds, saying how they could leave this place but he couldn't. "I hate you stupid birds! Don't you mock me with your tweeting! I know where you live! In the nest above my window! Ah screw you." He grumbled and walked back into the room and out of Kaiba's vision.

The brunet growled and sat down, hoping for the cute boy to appear at the window again. After a few minutes, he noticed a woman heading towards the stone tower. She stood in front of it and looked up at the window.

"Yami, Yami, let down your long hair. So I may climb the rainbow stair!"

A moment later Yami, as the woman called him, threw something over the ledge of the window and Kaiba blinked. It was hair, very, very long hair that had been braided. The woman started to climb up as Yami yelled at her in pain.

"Hmm…" Kaiba watched in wonder, a plan forming in his head.

* * *

That night, Yami sat on his bed, reading the book that Anzu had given him a while ago. He sighed as he looked at the page with the prince saving the princess. "Lucky bitch…" The boy frowned and flipped the page but he heard a clicking sound and then noticed a pebble that flew through the window.

Blinking, he got out of bed and walked over to the window and looked down, seeing a shadowed figure below. "Yami, Yami, let down your hair. So I may climb the rainbow stair." The figure said and Yami shrugged, since they asked…

He threw his hair down and closed his eyes in pain as the person climbed up. He opened his eyes when his hair was no longer pulled and looked to see a very handsome man looked at him, holding up some flowers. "I'm Kaiba, let's do it."

Yami blinked and then grinned and nodded.

A moment later, their clothing was shed and if you were down below, you would be hearing very… interesting sounds coming from the room with the window along with loud squeals and moans of delight and someone yelling 'score' very loudly.

Above, Yami was in his bed, covered in the blankets as he looked at Kaiba, blushed and smirking seductively. "That was just awesome."

"I know, I was there." Kaiba smirked and kissed Yami.

"Will you come back, tomorrow?"

"Yeah, but I'll come at night, I don't think coming during the day would be good since I have a kingdom to run and you have that… witch woman you told me about when I was sucking you off."

"Damn, I forgot about Anzu. Alright Seto, and hey… do you think you can be my prince and get me down from here, help me set up a plan love?" Yami looked at him, giving him puppy eyes which Kaiba fell for in the blink of an eye.

They set up a planned as the sat in the afterglow of sex, then screwed right afterwards since both were in the mood once more when Kaiba 'accidentally' smacked Yami in the ass.

* * *

For a few months, Kaiba would come to the tower at night and he and Yami would spend time together, working on the escape rope that they were making out of silk that Yami was getting from Anzu when he had asked to learn how to spin. But over that time, Yami became sick and acted strangely.

So one day, about four months after the first night he and Kaiba spent together, Yami looked up from his spinning to ask Anzu a question. "Hey… Anzu… I think some things wrong with me."

"What do you mean?" She asked, not really paying attention.

"Well… I…" He then mumbled something very quick.

"What?"

"I think… I might be pregnant…?"

She just looked at him for a moment and then stood up and walked over to his desk and picked up some scissors. "What are you going to do with that…?" He gulped and looked at her in fear.

"You've been seeing someone, haven't you?"

"No…" He shook his head.

"Don't lie to me Yami! I knew something was going on! I knew since that day that your sheets were covered in stuff and smelt of sex!"

"Alright! I've been seeing a prince!" Yami squealed in fear and was then trapped by magic, keeping him from knocking the scissors out of the witch's hands. She then cut the long braid off Yami's head, the rest of his hair springing right back up into spikes like they were years ago. She then sent him far away, using his braid as a robe.

Poor Yami was left all alone in the forest, scared and wondering if there was something to eat around here that hadn't been touched by an animal.

* * *

That night, Kaiba had come by to check on Yami. "Yami, Yami, let down your long hair. So I may climb the rainbow stair." He didn't know why he said that every time, but at least it alerted Yami that he was there. The braid was sent down and he noticed that Yami was complaining tonight.

Once he got up there he gasped and noticed that Yami's hair had been cut off. He then saw the brunette woman from before on the bed, this was the witch Anzu. "What did you do to Yami?!" He yelled, holding up the cut off hair, even though it grossed his out a bit.

"Why, I sent him away. He was a bad boy and you impregnated him."

"… How can he get pregnant?" Kaiba asked.

Allow me to explain my dear Kaiba, you see, when Yami's man-mama Yugi had eaten the rhubarb that was laced with magic, it allowed him the ability to get pregnant. That magic was also inside Yami, allowing him to get pregnant as well.

"Are you sure?"

I'm the author, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

"Moving along… where is he now?"

Anzu just laughed and started to walk over to Kaiba, causing him to back up over to the window. "I sent him away, you'll never find him. Now, good bye prince." She gave him a good push and Kaiba fell into a thorn bush below, he was actually unharmed until he sat up and hit a thick branch that grew out of the bush, causing him to go blind.

Anzu laughed at him, long and hard and then noticed something. Kaiba had fallen from the tower; he was holding Yami's hair, the only way in and out of the tower.

Shit.

* * *

A year had passed and poor Kaiba was still blind. He had to use a seeing-eye horse to get around. One day, he was walking in the woods on the horse, thinking about his lost love when suddenly, he heard someone singing loud and off key, he knew who that was anywhere. He told the horse the follow the sound.

The horse walked into a clearing where there was a small house and two people were over by a small spring. There was a little baby lying on a blanket and sucking on his thumb while the other was a lovely young man with try colored hair that stuck up.

"Make me walk, make me talk! Do whatever you please! I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees!" That singing obviously belongs to Yami.

"Yami… what are you doing?"

Yami jolted and turned to look at the brunet and he smiled but frowned when he noticed that Kaiba's eyes were shut. "What happened to your eyes Seto!?" He gasped and walked over, taking the other's head and pulled it close to his face. He then kissed each eyelid and Kaiba opened his eyes, seeing Yami looking at him.

"What did you do?"

"I kissed your eyes and made them better. Oh, and in case you're wondering, I know a little magic and you have a son."

"I was told about the son part. Want to come with me to my kingdom and get married?"

"Sure!"

And so they all lived happily ever after, except Anzu cause she screwed her self over by being stuck in the tower.

END

* * *

This one makes me laugh. Please review.

BTW, Kaiba's got the perfect pick up like. "I'm Kaiba, let's do it." Genius!


	6. Chap 6: The Frog Kaiba

I LOVE the Frog Prince, one of my favorite childhood stories; I also love the Frog Prince Continued which was written by the same guy who wrote the Stinky Cheese Man book. *laughs* If anyone has ever read that story then please tell me in your review and I'll write whatever story you want me to write for the next chapter, but please, for the love of God, no Little Mermaid (that's Hathor's job right there) or anything that doesn't involve romance, this is a yaoi story ladies and gents.

Even though I love the original Frog Prince, I say screw that and let us go with the wonderful version created by Purple Penguin who wrote the Frog Prince with Final Fantasy VIII version. *laughs at that one* It was brilliant, so in honor of one of the funniest writers ever, I will dedicate this chapter to her, plus I'm stealing a bit of her idea so forgive me!

Summery: Kaiba was to get married but he refused to get married to a girl, who happened to be a witch. She turned him into frog as revenge, but one day he ends up meeting a prince who wants to sell him to the French.

Warning: stupidity, insults to the French (I'm terribly sorry), insults to women (… it's Kaiba's fault) and magic, also some cussing and Yami brings back his bat, no song this chapter.

I own nothing, not even the plot, which belongs to the Grimm Brothers and to Purple Penguin.

Amazingly, for one, this is not about Yami! This one is for the Kaiba fans out there; I love you guys for actually giving this guy some love! Now let's give some love to Jou soon, the poor blond needs so more fans.

Also, to Kisara fans out there, I hate her being paired up with Kaiba or Seth, Kaiba and Seth are gay. It is so obvious! And besides, he totally hates girls, he rarely speaks to any. So, sorry if you like her, I think she's okay, but I don't want her paired up with Kaiba, plus I need a new witch to try out.

On with the fic!

* * *

**The Frog Kaiba**

* * *

Once upon a… eh, screw the opening line! Not long ago, I, Prince Seto Kaiba of Kaiba Land, turned eighteen, the age where I had to find some bimbo to marry and have my kid. My father, Gozaburo, stated this to me on the moment I came down for breakfast on my birthday.

"Son, you have to pick out a bride before dinner."

I just looked at him, grabbed a slice of toast off the table and left the room. First of all, I just woke up, second I didn't really want that to be the first thing I hear on my birthday, and third I just don't like women. It's not that I have anything really against them, it's just I find them to be ugly little things that wear too much makeup and are too thin. Plus I'm secretly gay, so that's also a reason. Now if my dad had said that I should pick out a husband by dinner, then by all means I would run out and find one, but no, he didn't say that.

He eventually dragged me into the throne room where I was forced to look at every woman in the kingdom, though I just sat there, a blank look on my face as they talked about this and that and stuff I really don't give a shit about. Plus they wore skimpy clothing and I saw way to much cleavage for one lifetime…

Finally the line started to go down to just one woman after I told one girl even before she spoke to just go home. It was funny seeing her cry. The final girl was one with white hair, pale skin, and blue-eyes. She seemed pretty, in a sense but the outfit and makeup totally ruined it.

"Hello, I am Kisara, witch." She handed me a business card that said that she was a witch. I then noticed that she was started to undo the top of her dress.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna give you a preview of what you'll see from me."

She pulled down the top of her dress and I yelled in fear and jumped behind my chair. I guess she didn't like that since she chased me around the throne room. Luckily, it was just us, bad though at the same time since no one could save me. Once she trapped me in a corner, she walked over to me.

"What's wrong, I thought you were looking for a wife?"

"Actually… I'm… gay…" I panted out, tired from running. The next thing I knew she yelled and ranted and flung a bright ball of light at me. Then everything went black.

* * *

I awoke several hours later in a daze. Then I noticed something, Kisara was gone and my father was panicking and my little brother Mokuba was talking to him, saying something about that they would find him. I blinked and noticed something else, I had shrunk. Now how in the hell did that happen?! I croaked at this and… wait… croaked…?

OH SWEET JESUS, SON OF MARY AND JOSEPH!

I'm…

A frog…

And not just any frog, a small brown one! Shit, I could have been a better color! I noticed that I was lying in a pile of clothes, my clothes, and I hopped over to Mokuba but he didn't notice me.

"I still can't believe that Seto escaped, and without any clothing on!"

"Yes, but at least this will catch some woman's attention."

I rolled my frog eyes and make a ribbit sound. They both looked down and noticed me, Mokuba smiled and picked me up. "What's a little frog like you doing in here? I better let you go back home."

He took me out to the front of the palace and placed me on the road. "Go home little frog, I have to go look for my naked big brother." I frowned and just hopped down the road since I really had no need to be here. Now what am I going to do? I really had no idea on how to be a frog, and I really don't want to go look for a witch to change me back.

Hmm… I think there was a story kinda like what I'm going through. I have to look for my true love to change me back by kissing me. Now who was stupid enough to kiss a frog?! Hmm… well, this is a stupid kingdom; I'm bound to find someone.

Sigh… this is the worst birthday ever…

So for an hour or so I stopped by a pond to cool down, being an amphibian is hard… I swam for a bit, enjoying the nice, cool water when I heard a voice. I noticed there was a boy over at one end of the pond. He was dressed up in black leather, had spiky tri-colored hair, and the nicest eyes I've ever seen. Plus he was thin, good looking, and had tan skin. This boy was the sexiest thing I have ever seen since myself.

But…

... He was smacking the water with a steel bat.

"Die fish! Die all of you!" He laughed loudly and evilly as he performed his stupid task. Well, this boy was stupid and cute enough, maybe he was my true love or whatever shit it is that will break the spell.

I raised a frog-eyebrow at this and got out of the water before hopping over to him, making a ribbit sound.

He stopped and looked down at me, crimson-eyes blinking. He just stared for a bit and tilted his head. "A brown frog… with blue-eyes?" He blinked and mumbled before getting down to the ground so we were face-to-face.

"Hello Mr. Frog, I'm Prince Yami from the kingdom of Pharaoh Land."

"Ribbit." Was all I said, when I was really trying to say, _"Hello, I'm Prince Kaiba, can you kiss me to make me human?" _

"Hmm," He picked me up and looked at me all over, "you've got long legs… I'mma selling you to da French!" He hollered loudly and I freaked, escaping his clutches and started to try and run away as best as I could, which was difficult since my type can't run on the legs they have, not like those damn lizards.

"Hey! Give me those legs! The French can make them into something tasty!" Yami yelled as I got away.

Oh good lord! He was going to sell me to the French!? Why would he do that?! I turned and noticed him following behind, swinging his bat. "Come back here! I need to sell your legs to the cheese eating surrender monkeys!"

"RIBBIT!" _"NO!"_

I just kept going until…

THUMP!

I was sent flying through the air, screaming, somehow, as I flew. Yami had gotten in a very good swing with that bat of his and I was freaking over, waving my arms before I landed on a patch of grass. I sighed in relief but then it got dark. That was weird, it was sunny not to long ago, I turned and just looked at Yami who was still holding that bat in his hands.

"Ribbit…" _"I'm going to die…"_

"Hmm, you survived my bat, which means you deserve to live. I'm going to take you home with me." He spoke, a smile on his face. I don't know whether to be happy or to run away and hide.

Well, I couldn't go with the latter since he just picked me up. "Let's go to my house Mr. Frog. You'll like it there; it's a palace with all sorts of nice things. Maybe you can help me traumatize my parents. That would be good for a laugh."

I sighed and just sat in his hand, frowning and listening to him talk. This was annoying, he kept calling me Mr. Frog and he seemed to talk about nonsense, but he was cute and seemed nice (when he wasn't swinging that bat around) so I guess this was okay. And besides, if I stay in his room like he says I will, then I'll get to see what's under that layer of leather he's wearing.

"Mr. Frog… you're nose bleeding into my hand…"

* * *

This was… nice.

Yami took me to Pharaoh Land, the kingdom not far from my own. Everything was… interesting looking, he told me that his kingdom was based on ancient Egypt. My kingdom is based on technology. He took me to his palace and when his parents saw me, he threw me at them and I landed in his mother's hair.

It was quite a site with her running around and me clinging for dear life in her hair, all the while the king sighed and Yami was laughing his ass off.

During dinner I sat in Yami's hair since he insisted on it and I really didn't want to sit on the table, I'm a frog, I carry germs from being outside and in that pond. Yami feed me; it was nice of him to do so. He then took me to his bathroom and washed me after dinner, sadly, he had bubbles in his bath and I wasn't able to see any of his dirty parts for very long.

Though when he was getting dressed he had his back to me so I saw his ass. That was a good thing. Then he got in bed and placed me on a pillow. "Well Mr. Frog, I hope you have had an interesting day. I'm going to sleep now, night." He kissed the top of my head, probably not thinking about it at all, and closed his eyes.

Sighing, I rolled my eyes and went to sleep. I didn't know anything that happened after I closed my eyes. However, when morning came, I noticed something interesting, and slightly embarrassing.

I was human again, but I was completely naked.

How do I get out of bed without waking up Yami? It would probably freak him out to find that there wasn't a frog in his bed but a naked man. A part of me hoped it would turn him on but I shook my head and moved to get out but the other side of the bed shifted and I turned to see Yami sit up and yawn.

"Morning already…? Hmm?" He turned, looking at me with half-lidded eyes. "Mr. Frog…?" He blinked and then his eyes widened and he jumped right out of bed, holding up his bat that he pulled out of nowhere.

"Who are you?!"

"I am…" I started but he screamed again.

"Who are you?!"

"I am…"

"Who are you?!"

Okay this was getting annoying… "I am Seto Kaiba, prince of Kaiba Land." I bowed slight and he looked at me. "Yesterday I got turned into a frog by a witch who I didn't want to marry. She was pissed and made me a frog. Then my brother released me outside and I meet you. You kissed me last night and that must have returned me to normal. Thank you for breaking the spell on me Yami."

He looked at me before tilting his head. "Hmm, you know, I knew there was something about you that made you different then other frogs. It was your eyes. So it was a good idea that I let you live." Yami grinned and I frowned.

"Well," He started, "since I think you are handsome and you're naked already, how about you give me something in return for saving you?"

"Alright, doesn't bother me. By the way, this might be straightforward, but will you marry me?"

"Yep!" And so we kissed and then had mad monkey sex in Yami's bed. So now I'm living with my man-wife and I haven't had any side-effects from that spell, except for the need to swim and jump at times. Oh well, I'm alright with that and Yami finds it funny.

END

* * *

I don't know what the next chapter will be so give me time on that one. Don't know why this chapter is written in Kaiba's POV, it just is. *snickers* Much love still to Purple Penguin for the inspiration, though the only thinks I borrowed from her story were the wedding, running away, and the frog turning back into a naked man in the prince's bed.

Please review.


	7. Chap 7: Yami and the Beanstalk

Well, I'm back with a new chapter, sadly I didn't know what to write that was romantic based, but I thought that this one would be okay. I chose to do Jack and the Beanstalk, only I changed the title to Yami and the Beanstalk cause he would be stupid enough to do this, aside from Jou but Yami and Kaiba are the main characters of these stories so, no, it's Yami.

Summery: One night, the beans that Yami stupidly traded his cow for grew into a beanstalk and Yami felt that he needed to see how far up it goes, and gets into one crazy adventure.

I guess the plot is taken from the original story, the Mickey Mouse version, and one from a really weird anime version I saw when I was a kid, though I doubt any of you have ever seen it. Actually, the Japanese made a motion picture anime version of it, but I watched a thirty minute short of the story, but that was ten years ago since I last saw it… it also had a chibi version of Robin Hood that looks like it was drawn in Shin-Chan style.

Warning: Stupidity, yaoi, Yami's bat and his singing, and cussing

Kaiba is in this, as the golden harp… player, he owns the damn golden harp but he's a prisoner. Bobasa is the Giant, not sure why but I needed someone. Kisara is the wife of the Giant, but I changed her to be just a servant.

On with the fic!

* * *

**Yami and the Beanstalk**

* * *

Once upon a time, oh yeah, he once screwed time so well…

I MEAN…! Once upon a time, a poor old farmer and his grandson were very poor due to the large drought in the land and the fact that the country wasn't exactly doing so well with its economy… *ahem-America-ahem*

The poor farmer was unable to grow anything on his land and this was causing his grandson, Yami, to get ticked with the old man. "Grandpa!" He hollered at the man in the field.

"Yes Yami?" Grandpa asked, looking up from his hoeing.

"I don't know why you even try to grow anything out here, we aren't near any water sources, it hasn't rained in months, we have no money, the cow is losing weight, you are the worse farmer I've ever seen, and I swear that without any good water I'll lose my damn hair! We need money!"

"Yami, calm down. I think that we can get some money for water and food if you sell the cow, she's the last thing I own outside of the house and the mob won't take it because it's old and will fall apart."

Yami sighed and rolled his eyes. "You and your silly mob, you know they don't exist."

"But they do exist!"

"Grandpa, the mob doesn't exist, just like elves, gnomes, Eskimos, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and Cory Feldman."

"Well I'll give you the Cory one since we all know he's either a hologram or a robot depending on the situation." Grandpa nodded and so did Yami before the teen sighed and turned back to the house.

"Alright, I'll sell the cow. I'll be back before dark with something edible, I'm not in the mood to eat tumbleweed again like we had for dinner last night, I'm still coughing up thistles."

* * *

And so Yami strolled into town, cow in tow along with his trusty bat that he used to beat people up with if they looked at him funny. Sure he wasn't dressed up like he use to be when he came into town a year ago, he had to sell, against his will, his normal black clothing of silk and leather to buy food for six months and ended up now having to wear his back up clothing, just cotton shirts and jeans.

After hitting some guy for saying he looked weird, he noticed a strange man sitting with a cloak over his head with an eye on it. "That looks like a nice cow, are you here to sell her?"

"Yep, are you willing to pay some good money for her?" Yami asked, holding up his bat as a threat.

"Of course."

"How much are you willing to give?"

The man looked up at him with lilac-eyes that stood out under his platinum-blond locks. "I have here five beans I can sell you, fat, yummy, fresh beans." He held out his hand, showing five beans.

Yami looked at them before shaking his head and started to walk away. "Nah, even though I'm starving, I don't like beans."

"They're magical."

In the blink of an eye, Yami was standing in front of the man. "Magical you say? Alright, gimme, gimme, gimme!" Yami snatched the beans from him and ran off, but not before knocking the man out and taking his cow with him, which he got on and rode like a motorbike.

"Run Bessie! Run like the wind!" He hollered as the raced out of town

When Yami returned with the beans and the cow, his Grandpa was furious with him. "Yami! Can't you do anything right?! You were suppose to sell the cow to get money which you were suppose to use to buy food and you didn't sell the cow and came home with five worthless beans?! You don't even like beans!"

Yami just glared at him. "But they are magic beans! MAGIC beans! I bet that they can turn into something if we plant them."

"They will just turn into dust because nothing grows here!"

Taking the beans off the table that Yami had placed them on, Grandpa threw them out the window and Yami watched. "Hey! I was going to use those!"

"Whatever, now help me with this rock soup."

"Aw man! I hate rock soup! One of these days I'll turn into a cannibal and eat you, ya old bastard!"

"Try it skinny britches!"

After a long and random argument, they each sent the other to bed without supper and slept that night, both still fuming and arguing with each other in their sleep. But outside, the light of the full moon fell upon the fives beans sitting out in the field and something strange occurred... they combined and turned into a beanstalk, that just kept growing.

It grew through out the night until it hit the sky and broke through a cloud.

* * *

The next morning, Yami decided to just run away from home, to find a life somewhere better, to go to the place where all misfits go. Seattle seemed to be the best option and he had always wanted to go to the original Starbucks and to see the Space Needle, but as he climbed out the window, he noticed something.

A large green thing was outside his window. Looking up, Yami saw that it was a beanstalk. "Holy cheese on rye!" He freaked but then noticed something; it was inside of a cloud that wasn't moving like the others. Was there something up there?

Placing his messenger bag around his shoulder, Yami started to climb and got really bored when he was about one forth of the way there. He sat on a leaf and sighed. "I need some help." He then happened to notice that there was a goose looking at him, a golden goose.

A smirk came to Yami as he skillfully jumped on it. "Now, take me to the clouds!" The goose honked and started to go up the beanstalk since it really couldn't fly with Yami on it's back.

"On the beanstalk, the freaky beanstalk, Yami rides a freak!" Yami sang as the got nearer to the top. Once at the base of the cloud, Yami got off and nodded his thanks to the goose that waddled off. Poking his head through the cloud, Yami gasped at the gigantic castle that sat on it.

"Holy crap on a crust!" He exclaimed before he got through the cloud and started to walk on it, wondering why he wasn't falling through. He noticed that he golden goose waddled around to the entrance and so Yami followed it.

They came to a door, seeing a small opening that the goose and Yami squeezed through. Yami noticed everything was huge, from the carpet to the furniture. Then something caught his attention, something that smelt good. Walking over to the table and climbing up one of the legs, Yami saw an array of food, much bigger then himself.

"If I didn't know any better, I swear I fell off the beanstalk and went to heaven after having my head split open!" He then ran over and started poking at the Jell-O out of boredom until he fell in. He grinned and started to eat his way out.

Getting out, he took a sample of each thing that looked good, since Yami was an extremely picky eater; it was only the stuff he liked. After about twenty or so minutes, Yami heard something interesting. It sounded like a harp. He looked around, but didn't see anything and continued to munch on the sugar cube that now became his favorite thing on the table aside from the spoon he shared a dance with.

But suddenly, the table started to shake and Yami fell on his butt and when he turned, he almost screamed like a little girl. There, coming into the room, was a giant man. He was a very fat looking man and seemed to be wearing a turban on his head.

The giant stopped and looked around, sniffing. "Fee! Fi! Foe! Fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!" At this Yami rolled his eyes and scurried off the table, but not before snatching a chunk of cookie with him as he did.

The giant sat down at the table and began to eat, just as Yami luckily ran out of the room and into another. But he notices a woman looking at him with long white hair and blue-eyes. "A human!" He spoke in a loud whisper. "What are you doing here?"

"The magic beans I planted turned into a beanstalk; I climbed up it and yadda, yadda, yadda I'm here now and I need to get out because Noticeably F-A-T back there might have found me."

"Alright, I can help you, just follow me." And so the two walked in silence, with Yami still carrying the cookie. But he noticed that they walked through a room filled with golden treasures and while the woman stopped to tie her shoe, Yami took a few hands fills of gold and placed them in his bag. But as they were in the room, he heard the harp sound again, only it was much louder.

They left the room and walked over to a hall and the woman pointed to the hole in one of the rocks. "There, that is your way out. Just don't come here again, that giant knows your smell and will try to get you."

"Yeah, yeah. Thank lady." Yami climbed through the wall and walked off and back down the beanstalk where he returned to home to find his grandpa doing laundry.

"Oh Yami, you're back. Here you can help me with the laundry."

Yami grinned and walked over. "Oh boy! I love folding underwear!" (1)

"Where did you go?"

"Up the beanstalk, I found a giant and stole some gold from him."

"That's nice… GOLD?!" Yami nodded and dumped the bag, and golden coins came out. But before the older man could take the coins, Yami grabbed them, yelling 'mine' and running off, but not before taking his cookie with him, stating it was for the cow as a sign of thanks for getting him the beans.

* * *

The next day Yami stood before the beanstalk, he was going to steal from the castle again and today he had his eyes set on the golden goose. If he sold that, he would get a lot of money for cool things; maybe even buy a house in the city rather then in the countryside. He stared climbing once more and he reached the top, completely out of it.

"I hate this… I wish that it was a giant escalator or something…" He sighed and started walking on the cloud again. He entered through the door like he did the day before and looked around, seeing the array of food on the table like before, only the meal was made of some different food. Climbing up, Yami took one of the giant M & M's and placed it into his messenger bag, a snack for later.

Like before, the table started to shake and he saw the giant man again who didn't seem to notice him at all. 'Okay… as long as I get away without making a sound, I'll be fine…' Yami started to move backwards, knocking over a glass of wine which fell off the table and shattered.

With a small squeal, Yami ran like hell and slid down the leg of the table closest to him just as the giant walked over to see what caused the crash. Yami ran off as the giant began to pick up the glass, only to stop. "I smell that human again!" He hollered and started looking for Yami.

But the boy had already ran into the other room, panting hard. Looking around, he noticed the goose was sitting on a nest. "Hi there." He smiled and the goose blinked before waddling away from the nest, which Yami noticed contained golden eggs.

"Oh, that is just so wrong, and yet so awesome." Strolling over, Yami nonchalantly looked at the goose before hitting it with his bat, grabbing it by the neck and stuffing it into his bag. He once again ran like hell, heading for the exit the lady showed him, but when he ran through the room of gold, he heard the harp again.

He looked around, once again not seeing where it came from and continued to run until he was out of the castle and going back down the beanstalk where he showed his Grandpa the golden goose that laid eggs of gold.

* * *

"Alright, today I'm going to find that damn harp and steal it." Yami spoke as he continued to climb up the beanstalk for the third time that week. Once at the top, he snuck inside again, noticing that the giant was already at the table and he frowned, how was he going to get to the room of gold with the giant in the room?

He sat under the table for about an hour, waiting for the man to finish as he laughed and sang about his food. He only moved when the giant left the room, saying that nature called. Shaking his head, Yami snuck into the room of gold.

"Okay, where is this damn thing…?" Yami asked out loud.

"Who are you?" Blinking, Yami looked up and noticed someone sitting on a shelf inside of a glass box. It was a brunet with blue-eyes who looked just as confused as Yami was.

"I'm Yami, who are you."

"Seto Kaiba. Did that stupid giant catch you too?"

"Nah, I snuck in here. He caught you?" Yami titled his head and Kaiba nodded.

"Yeah, a few months ago. He just picked me up, dropped me in this box and told me to play the harp." Kaiba pointed, in an annoyed fashion, towards the golden harp next to him.

"So you're the one who played the harp! I was wondering who was doing that in the three days I've been sneaking in here!"

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "Look, can you get me out? I really don't want to be in here anymore because this place sucks."

"But, this place could end world hunger with the size of the food here."

"It's just as spell for the kingdom of giants, makes everything huge. Hey, how did you get up here anyway?"

"Beanstalk."

The brunet blinked and just shook his head. "Alright… so can you get me out of here?"

"On one condition," Yami smiled, "I get you out, and you go out on a date with me."

"Fine." Yami smirked and picked up a diamond that was about the size of his head. Kaiba knew that Yami was gonna throw it so he back out of the way just as the gem was thrown, causing the glass to shatter.

"Grab the harp, we can sell it!" Yami yelled just as he heard foot steps approaching. Quickly, Kaiba jumped down with the harp, while Yami grabbed some gold and jewels. Just then the giant walked in, glaring at them both.

"HUMANS!" He hollered and the two men dashed off for the door where Yami came in. They got through the crack and ran over the cloud with the giant smashing through the door to follow them.

"To the beanstalk, we can slide down it!" Kaiba yelled with Yami followed close behind. The jumped onto it, trying to make sure they didn't slide to close to the edge as they went down.

"Oh Ra, oh crap, oh mommy help me!" Yami cried out as he noticed the giant coming down as well. They reached the bottom before the large man and Yami grabbed some dynamite.

"Where did you get that?!" Kaiba yelled.

"Internet!" Yami grinned and lit the ends of the sticks that were placed by the beanstalk. "Fire in the hole!" He grabbed Kaiba and they dove into the house where Yami's grandpa was sleeping on the couch just as the dynamite exploded.

The explosion caused the base to break and the beanstalk fell to the ground, the giant falling with it, but well all know what happened to that guy so let's get back to what matters, Kaiba and Yami.

Blinking, Yami looked out the window and cheered, hugging Kaiba who stood next to him, only to realize what he was doing and he blushed. "Sorry, it's just that…" He mumbled and the other only smirked and pulled him close.

"No need to apologize, you saved my life now I can make it up to you Yami." He leaned down and kissed the smaller and the two ignored the old man who finally woke up only to witness the scene before.

"Yami! Not on the carpet!"

END

* * *

I didn't know how to end it, but this is all I could come up with, hope it's good.

(1) This line is from the anime, the only line I can actually remember and it was always the funniest, but I think there was one about the cow being able to produce chocolate milk even thought it couldn't because Jack stated that brown cows make chocolate milk and white cows make white milk.

Please review!


End file.
